Posted in ADHD, Streaming

Not Worth my Time

I often get suggestions how I can improve my streaming career, the XYZ formula of how to make it big in the business. Which says to me, I have potential and it’s great that my audience is eager for me to succeed. The thing is I measure success differently.

ADHD is a reality that poses significant challenges. Habits of life must be approached differently to manage stress and maintain mental stability. Becoming aware of how our bodies react and how to respond measures how successful our days will be. It’s not always predictable and unless we are afforded the freedom to focus, chances are not in our favor for succeeding.

About me

I used to work in the machine, grinding away for a big pay day, then I’d indulge in everything my heart desired, especially when it was on fire from a hard week. I could lend a hand to a friend, I could afford to not worry about my income, and coming home felt SAFE because I knew it was secure. All the comforts I needed as long as I suffocated on the cog.

I understand

I recognize the fear snarling near me with memories of indignities I’ve laid to rest.

With a long term work injury, I was fired. I gave up a lot of conveniences that often left me embarrassed. My nightmares go back there, but times are different now.

You don’t realize the stress is overcoming you, until you’re choking on the mistakes you’ve made to cope through another day. You forget how much time has passed until you look back at all the days you forgot. You weren’t there, because the stress took the BEST there was to give.

What’s important to me

To be aware of where I am and what’s important when I get locked in my choices. Is an important practice because routines make DREAMS happen. Coping conveniently is highly encouraged in the modern world and will ultimately shorten my lifespan, if I’m not mindful of how to value my existence.

Diseases of the heart are the most common killer, ailments will creep up on me as I reach my final stages, if I do as I am told to fit in perfectly.

I can trust in change with a little patience. I can trust I’ll find my way and everything will be okay as long as I am respecting my limitations.

Assume the best of the people around you because we all similarly want the best experiences.

There is an existence where you can become the spitting image of the one you know yourself to be.

Be free

I love you always,


Visit our Discord to talk more on this subject or just share your thoughts with a friend who listens.

Posted in Streaming

Don’t Touch my Shit

I’ve been on an obsessive course with my work lately, like I don’t even think I’m doing this anymore. My mind is on rapid fire with solutions and inspiration it’s nuts. I went from the peek of anxiety and insecurity to a steady runners high going further than I could have ever imagined I’d go. I value my work because I’ve been through what it hurt to get here.

I respect and admire the labor and dedication. I’m relieved that the countless years I spent weren’t in vain and now I can feel proud to claim the name. It doesn’t all come from me though. I was lead here by people who respected and cared for their craft who showed me the way.

There is no inspiration in a dark room and I know I’m apart of this process. I’m so excited to see what comes next. Who expands or alters the way the future is laid for me to play in.

Go ahead and spin that shit. I have fledged unyielding faith in my abilities, even if the requirement is way too far for me to see what’s going to be needed of me.

I hope you do the same with courage when you feel you aren’t original enough. I hope you don’t fear that someone will take all that’s good of you. I hope you understand that its really hard to comprehend just how much love there is in the world.

I hope you forgive me for not overextending myself to complete all my commitments in a timely manner. I hope you trust in my care for you that I will see through anything that I have guaranteed you. I hope you give me the benefit of the doubt when my head is clouded and it sounds like I farted on cam, because that won’t EVER be apart of the jam.

Yes, I need some sleep, I know that. I’m telling you, this isn’t me anymore, I’ve only been sitting here an hour. My priorities are to seeing a dreams through. These marathon streams have been very good for helping me get out of bed and get ready every day instead of lounging around acting like a clown and getting nothing accomplished. You keep me sharp while I keep myself paced. I just want to say, thanks for playing your part. You are always in my heart


Posted in Thoughts

If you leave

Know you have encouraged my confidence and that has kept my intentions pure. You’ve kept my hopes high and inspired me to trust more intimately. May you carry the moments we’ve shared with you and may they bring you peace and love on the rest of your way

Unconditionally yours,


Posted in Thoughts

Mindfully Consensual

Part of the reason I’m still away is because I have to figure out how to promote more sensitive conversations to be held in my chats. 

When a large amount of women in our industry started coming forward about the abuse and harassment that’s been happening without any sort of accountability for years and saw some of these men who’s had to face some tough responsibility, it just made me think about how I was complicit for all these years by keeping silent to what I should have not been expecting as normal.  

You see, I’ve lost many guy friends because of the strong feelings they develop for me. I have always hoped that I could just be a guys friend and it not have to lead to a sexual relationship for it to last but I can never tell until its been years into our friendship, if it was their intention all along. I rarely get an explanation or held accountable for anything I have done to encourage a sexually charged mindset. 

I heard that we aren’t responsible for how we make people feel which was new to me, but I tried to embrace it. I started wearing things that I liked and testing the mindset that I’m not just for sexual pleasure, like I can embrace my beauty and appreciate it while its here and its cool but I could never convince myself that I wasn’t just putting myself out to be enticed after.  

Then I started hearing that a lot of women are making some very life altering choices out of a perceived obligation and with dudes being encouraged to objectify and manipulate just to get a date, it seems like a problem for Neon Girl tbh 

I reached out to some streamers privately and there seems to be a clear understanding where the fault lies but still nothing about how to fix it. 

I decided, Im just going to take on some different habits and see if I can’t encourage a new mindset that leads to more encouraging results.

 I want to be focus on being consensual and helpful to the promotion of healthy and enduring relationships. I’m going to hold people accountable and help affirm the identities of everyone who puts their trust in us. 

I need to learn how to respond differently and not impulsively insensitive. I need to set some ground rules to help guide the focus on the appreciation for listening and communicate that with our mods.

 I need to make these changes because it is important that I help and not hurt the fight for equality and freedom. 

-No objectifying jokes 

I want to encourage platonic relationships that have respectful boundaries

Our focus is on equality, treating each other as people and not sexual objects. 

I notice stuff I laugh off now and think its harmless in the moment but it’s contributing to the frustrations of consensual relationships. 

As for my content, 

 I want the ear eating to be the performance, no interaction and all focus.  

I’m focusing my efforts on foreplay, appreciation for the other person and their boundaries. Promoting a deeper respect and commitment of trust to gain more passionately fulfilling habits. 

Setting the mood:

 Sub only mode when its ear eating time, so that you can decide if it something you want to do that requires a commitment. I dont want money to be involved with prolonging it or making it happen. 

I need to figure out the sub, bitty, and donation goals. 

Maybe I can have smooth pick up lines with different bitty amounts 

        a goal to make a lasting impression where I take a highlight of the night and put it on the rerun wheel.  

I can have the donation goal be like my hunger gauge. If I’m hungry I definitely not in the mood lol we can be funny with it too maybe. 

Would be funny to have a little animation go off over my head when I am in the mood to eat some ears lol. like a sims character

I think it would be cool if we encouraged bed room talk that is appropriate and not like demeaning and uncomfortable at that time too. 

 I would like to have a Patreon stream in Discord before I go live. Where I can be candid me while I get ready. 

These are all the things I have to work out in my head before I can set my auto pilot on. What do you think?

Mindfully yours,