Posted in Community

Exposed Nerve

Thank you for the love and support. It’s still painful like a raw nerve just thinking about losing the dreams I had. There are tracks I can’t get recreate that I really loved, a vision I really wanted to be seen. It really pisses me off because it’s not the first time my stuff has been taken and I’m nauseated from the constant flipping of life.

It’s a helpless and defeating feeling to be reminded so often that I can’t rely on safety. It’s like how do you build anything if the ground keeps crumbling? I’m trying to get up but I’m stuck and fighting to move towards a future that feels pale compared to what I had tasted.

But a new future will exist, it’s not going to be what anyone expects but it will be a life I want to lead. All I can do is leave it in fate’s hands

To all my fans, I miss and love you so very much. I’m eager to put on a happy face and share a smile with you again. Thank you for keeping the faith and hope alive.

Posted in Thoughts

If you leave

Know you have encouraged my confidence and that has kept my intentions pure. You’ve kept my hopes high and inspired me to trust more intimately. May you carry the moments we’ve shared with you and may they bring you peace and love on the rest of your way

Unconditionally yours,


Posted in Fan Mail

Private words from a survivor

 “I am a sexual assult survivor..from many different times. My fiance and I have been together on and off for about 10 years. We havent seen sexually intimate in months. And that is completely okay because we can express our love other ways that dont make me feel uncomfortable or scared. Communication is key. Patience its keys. Self love is key. Healing and love is by far key. These are my thoughts. I am always here to talk if you want” 

My Response

I’m sorry to hear about that. It affected me differently. From an early age I’ve been very aware about sex and its shaped the respect I’ve had for men. I wasn’t close to many women and I only felt safe around men cause I knew it was easy to make them happy. I wasn’t promiscuous but sex was very much a focus in all my relationships. I was committed but I had no idea my mindset was unhealthy. I thought I just dealt with my past. Seeing all these stories come out about the sexual abuse in the industry where we work, I feel compelled to offer a solution to heal. I want to encourage healthy sex that is very passionate and considerate of the other person. Ya know like focusing on becoming comfortable with foreplay and just help encourage sensuality to be a confident and enjoyable freedom.


Sounds like we both have some healing to do and I’m hoping that it is possible. I’m already hopeful seeing a message like this from someone I barely know at all.

Posted in Thoughts

Mindfully Consensual

Part of the reason I’m still away is because I have to figure out how to promote more sensitive conversations to be held in my chats. 

When a large amount of women in our industry started coming forward about the abuse and harassment that’s been happening without any sort of accountability for years and saw some of these men who’s had to face some tough responsibility, it just made me think about how I was complicit for all these years by keeping silent to what I should have not been expecting as normal.  

You see, I’ve lost many guy friends because of the strong feelings they develop for me. I have always hoped that I could just be a guys friend and it not have to lead to a sexual relationship for it to last but I can never tell until its been years into our friendship, if it was their intention all along. I rarely get an explanation or held accountable for anything I have done to encourage a sexually charged mindset. 

I heard that we aren’t responsible for how we make people feel which was new to me, but I tried to embrace it. I started wearing things that I liked and testing the mindset that I’m not just for sexual pleasure, like I can embrace my beauty and appreciate it while its here and its cool but I could never convince myself that I wasn’t just putting myself out to be enticed after.  

Then I started hearing that a lot of women are making some very life altering choices out of a perceived obligation and with dudes being encouraged to objectify and manipulate just to get a date, it seems like a problem for Neon Girl tbh 

I reached out to some streamers privately and there seems to be a clear understanding where the fault lies but still nothing about how to fix it. 

I decided, Im just going to take on some different habits and see if I can’t encourage a new mindset that leads to more encouraging results.

 I want to be focus on being consensual and helpful to the promotion of healthy and enduring relationships. I’m going to hold people accountable and help affirm the identities of everyone who puts their trust in us. 

I need to learn how to respond differently and not impulsively insensitive. I need to set some ground rules to help guide the focus on the appreciation for listening and communicate that with our mods.

 I need to make these changes because it is important that I help and not hurt the fight for equality and freedom. 

-No objectifying jokes 

I want to encourage platonic relationships that have respectful boundaries

Our focus is on equality, treating each other as people and not sexual objects. 

I notice stuff I laugh off now and think its harmless in the moment but it’s contributing to the frustrations of consensual relationships. 

As for my content, 

 I want the ear eating to be the performance, no interaction and all focus.  

I’m focusing my efforts on foreplay, appreciation for the other person and their boundaries. Promoting a deeper respect and commitment of trust to gain more passionately fulfilling habits. 

Setting the mood:

 Sub only mode when its ear eating time, so that you can decide if it something you want to do that requires a commitment. I dont want money to be involved with prolonging it or making it happen. 

I need to figure out the sub, bitty, and donation goals. 

Maybe I can have smooth pick up lines with different bitty amounts 

        a goal to make a lasting impression where I take a highlight of the night and put it on the rerun wheel.  

I can have the donation goal be like my hunger gauge. If I’m hungry I definitely not in the mood lol we can be funny with it too maybe. 

Would be funny to have a little animation go off over my head when I am in the mood to eat some ears lol. like a sims character

I think it would be cool if we encouraged bed room talk that is appropriate and not like demeaning and uncomfortable at that time too. 

 I would like to have a Patreon stream in Discord before I go live. Where I can be candid me while I get ready. 

These are all the things I have to work out in my head before I can set my auto pilot on. What do you think?

Mindfully yours, 


Posted in Community

Sexism and Feminism

This summer many statements came to light about all the sexual harassment and assault happening within the gaming community. I saw many stories that sounded so eerily familiar that it really got me thinking about how I was complicit in allowing this to happen on my watch.

I sought out creators discussing this topic, Destiny and BadBunny. They discussed the topic of rape culture and the oppression of women. I hadn’t before really recognized the affect this had on my life until now but now it was all starting to make sense.

My Affirmation

I define my life, my consent matters, and it doesn’t give anyone permissions I don’t grant.

Ain’t nobody going to make me feel ashamed for liking and indulging in sexual practices. It’s a human response and it’s one of the most overwhelming motivators out there. To deny that is a prideful social cadence I’m not allowing to rob me of the few pleasures this life offers.

I recognize I have a responsibility to maintain my respectful distance and gain consent in more situations.

I recognize it’s my responsibility to hold my company accountable when they treat someone else as a sexual object or expose themselves without consent.

I recognize my reality and will do whatever I’m comfortable with doing legally and responsibly :).

Posted in Community

Sexual Advances

There has been a lot in the media about sexual assault and harassment. I had linked a post about this in Discord, which I thought I knew how I felt about it but now im starting to see a different picture.

 Im irritated and I just want to relax and be treated kindly. I definitely am not in the mood to be looked at like a conquest, like that is all I am. Like, nothing else is significant about me just my womanhood. I want to be treated with respect around my peers and colleagues like what I do is respectable but that didn’t happen tonight.

 Now im thinking, this is why she was so mad. The purpose of this movement is to point out how we are treated differently and hopefully move us towards more equality. Do I want to be apart of that or do I want to encourage being complicit? 

Like right now I really wish this streamer would not have flirted with me, but im also used to it and I’m starting to recognize how I always seem to go along with it like it’s normal. I’m not supposed to be flirted with and I am not supposed to flirt. How do I tell him without it hurting my reputation with him? I don’t right, he’s just doing his job. 

Cognitive brought up another point, he say she could also be held guilty of flirtation by the way she promotes her sexuality in her business in a very flirtatious way. So now Im looking back at how I have incorporated flirtation into my work and im like, should I have expected this? Do I have an obligation to be more responsible with my sexuality cause it is a form of sexual harassment?  

Is my sexuality my product? Am I on the clock when I’m out self promoting? I’m aware now and a little confused. So I’m working it out right now. 

My purpose is to help promote good mentalities for confidence and self esteem. Encourage better habits and show how to be kind to each other even intimately to promote more consensual relationships. 

So I can be helpful by not responding and encourage other conversation. Be aware that will be the first impression but I can help shape the lasting one I leave. I can be a good example and tone down the impression I am giving away. 

That revelation came to me by watching the next streamer. He puts on performances and the whole tone of the stream changes. I need to structure my live streams. 

Appropriately yours,