Posted in ADHD, Streaming

Not Worth my Time

I often get suggestions how I can improve my streaming career, the XYZ formula of how to make it big in the business. Which says to me, I have potential and it’s great that my audience is eager for me to succeed. The thing is I measure success differently.

ADHD is a reality that poses significant challenges. Habits of life must be approached differently to manage stress and maintain mental stability. Becoming aware of how our bodies react and how to respond measures how successful our days will be. It’s not always predictable and unless we are afforded the freedom to focus, chances are not in our favor for succeeding.

About me

I used to work in the machine, grinding away for a big pay day, then I’d indulge in everything my heart desired, especially when it was on fire from a hard week. I could lend a hand to a friend, I could afford to not worry about my income, and coming home felt SAFE because I knew it was secure. All the comforts I needed as long as I suffocated on the cog.

I understand

I recognize the fear snarling near me with memories of indignities I’ve laid to rest.

With a long term work injury, I was fired. I gave up a lot of conveniences that often left me embarrassed. My nightmares go back there, but times are different now.

You don’t realize the stress is overcoming you, until you’re choking on the mistakes you’ve made to cope through another day. You forget how much time has passed until you look back at all the days you forgot. You weren’t there, because the stress took the BEST there was to give.

What’s important to me

To be aware of where I am and what’s important when I get locked in my choices. Is an important practice because routines make DREAMS happen. Coping conveniently is highly encouraged in the modern world and will ultimately shorten my lifespan, if I’m not mindful of how to value my existence.

Diseases of the heart are the most common killer, ailments will creep up on me as I reach my final stages, if I do as I am told to fit in perfectly.

I can trust in change with a little patience. I can trust I’ll find my way and everything will be okay as long as I am respecting my limitations.

Assume the best of the people around you because we all similarly want the best experiences.

There is an existence where you can become the spitting image of the one you know yourself to be.

Be free

I love you always,


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Posted in Streaming

Don’t Touch my Shit

I’ve been on an obsessive course with my work lately, like I don’t even think I’m doing this anymore. My mind is on rapid fire with solutions and inspiration it’s nuts. I went from the peek of anxiety and insecurity to a steady runners high going further than I could have ever imagined I’d go. I value my work because I’ve been through what it hurt to get here.

I respect and admire the labor and dedication. I’m relieved that the countless years I spent weren’t in vain and now I can feel proud to claim the name. It doesn’t all come from me though. I was lead here by people who respected and cared for their craft who showed me the way.

There is no inspiration in a dark room and I know I’m apart of this process. I’m so excited to see what comes next. Who expands or alters the way the future is laid for me to play in.

Go ahead and spin that shit. I have fledged unyielding faith in my abilities, even if the requirement is way too far for me to see what’s going to be needed of me.

I hope you do the same with courage when you feel you aren’t original enough. I hope you don’t fear that someone will take all that’s good of you. I hope you understand that its really hard to comprehend just how much love there is in the world.

I hope you forgive me for not overextending myself to complete all my commitments in a timely manner. I hope you trust in my care for you that I will see through anything that I have guaranteed you. I hope you give me the benefit of the doubt when my head is clouded and it sounds like I farted on cam, because that won’t EVER be apart of the jam.

Yes, I need some sleep, I know that. I’m telling you, this isn’t me anymore, I’ve only been sitting here an hour. My priorities are to seeing a dreams through. These marathon streams have been very good for helping me get out of bed and get ready every day instead of lounging around acting like a clown and getting nothing accomplished. You keep me sharp while I keep myself paced. I just want to say, thanks for playing your part. You are always in my heart