Thank you for the love and support. It’s still painful like a raw nerve just thinking about losing the dreams I had. There are tracks I can’t get recreate that I really loved, a vision I really wanted to be seen. It really pisses me off because it’s not the first time my stuff has been taken and I’m nauseated from the constant flipping of life.
It’s a helpless and defeating feeling to be reminded so often that I can’t rely on safety. It’s like how do you build anything if the ground keeps crumbling? I’m trying to get up but I’m stuck and fighting to move towards a future that feels pale compared to what I had tasted.
But a new future will exist, it’s not going to be what anyone expects but it will be a life I want to lead. All I can do is leave it in fate’s hands
To all my fans, I miss and love you so very much. I’m eager to put on a happy face and share a smile with you again. Thank you for keeping the faith and hope alive.
This summer many statements came to light about all the sexual harassment and assault happening within the gaming community. I saw many stories that sounded so eerily familiar that it really got me thinking about how I was complicit in allowing this to happen on my watch.
I sought out creators discussing this topic, Destiny and BadBunny. They discussed the topic of rape culture and the oppression of women. I hadn’t before really recognized the affect this had on my life until now but now it was all starting to make sense.
I define my life, my consent matters, and it doesn’t give anyone permissions I don’t grant.
Ain’t nobody going to make me feel ashamed for liking and indulging in sexual practices. It’s a human response and it’s one of the most overwhelming motivators out there. To deny that is a prideful social cadence I’m not allowing to rob me of the few pleasures this life offers.
I recognize I have a responsibility to maintain my respectful distance and gain consent in more situations.
I recognize it’s my responsibility to hold my company accountable when they treat someone else as a sexual object or expose themselves without consent.
I recognize my reality and will do whatever I’m comfortable with doing legally and responsibly :).
There has been a lot in the media about sexual assault and harassment. I had linked a post about this in Discord, which I thought I knew how I felt about it but now im starting to see a different picture.
Im irritated and I just want to relax and be treated kindly. I definitely am not in the mood to be looked at like a conquest, like that is all I am. Like, nothing else is significant about me just my womanhood. I want to be treated with respect around my peers and colleagues like what I do is respectable but that didn’t happen tonight.
Now im thinking, this is why she was so mad. The purpose of this movement is to point out how we are treated differently and hopefully move us towards more equality. Do I want to be apart of that or do I want to encourage being complicit?
Like right now I really wish this streamer would not have flirted with me, but im also used to it and I’m starting to recognize how I always seem to go along with it like it’s normal. I’m not supposed to be flirted with and I am not supposed to flirt. How do I tell him without it hurting my reputation with him? I don’t right, he’s just doing his job.
Cognitive brought up another point, he say she could also be held guilty of flirtation by the way she promotes her sexuality in her business in a very flirtatious way. So now Im looking back at how I have incorporated flirtation into my work and im like, should I have expected this? Do I have an obligation to be more responsible with my sexuality cause it is a form of sexual harassment?
Is my sexuality my product? Am I on the clock when I’m out self promoting? I’m aware now and a little confused. So I’m working it out right now.
My purpose is to help promote good mentalities for confidence and self esteem. Encourage better habits and show how to be kind to each other even intimately to promote more consensual relationships.
So I can be helpful by not responding and encourage other conversation. Be aware that will be the first impression but I can help shape the lasting one I leave. I can be a good example and tone down the impression I am giving away.
That revelation came to me by watching the next streamer. He puts on performances and the whole tone of the stream changes. I need to structure my live streams.