After the summer away, I finally touched the keys and role played a day in my old life to remember all the good times and what I do this for.
It’s time to get back into my job and work out what that’s going to look like.
I keep feeling myself want to revert back into a routine I’m used to but then I hesitate and remind myself that I’m not obligated to do something that doesn’t fit.
I have to broaden my imagination for this job and being away from the media has restored my faith that I can ponder.
This weekend I had to answer that question that dictates how well I’ll do, where do I want to be?
For some people that’s not really a big deal to answer but for an ADHD mindset it’s simple, I can’t have a superficial answer if I want my best productivity.
My favorite part about being in the media, is that it’s not really safe to take the safe option and i’m naturally inclined to take on risk.
My least favorite part is that it’s inevitable someone is going to be disappointed when I can’t produce at the capacity that a neurodiverse person might.
What I know
The more I focus on stream, the more focus I take away from my daughter, who is having a transition right now so it’s emotional at home.
I’m hyper empathetic so I feel that shit deep and it drives me bat shit crazy that my daughter cries her eyes out over the dumbest of shit. You see that, I’m swearing like crazy now too as a way to release my stress.
What I need right now is to be held responsible to do ASMR and my dancing so that I don’t wallow in a pit of defeat. I need to practice a bit to get comfortable.
I’m going to make YouTube videos and remixes. I might try reframing it to be like a podcast and go into Just Chatting.
I’m thinking I’ll probably go live Tuesday or Wednesday after I get my overlays and alerts all situated. I want to make more reactions. If you see any please forward them to me for the collection.